This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
