She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
