you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My cat gives me a boner
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
