if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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