the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
