ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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