the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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