It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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