he puts the penis in happiness.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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