we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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