I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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