i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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