where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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