I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
