Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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