Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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