VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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