I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
