...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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