they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
