He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
