i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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