You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
