A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I will be naked everywhere
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
