she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
