my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
