I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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