dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
