I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
