My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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