Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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