New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
