My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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