So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
