I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
