i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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