The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
