i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
