She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
