I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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