toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
pray to the hookup gods
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
