I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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