i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
