wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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