can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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