He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
