I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
