Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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