he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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