At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
