i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
