you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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