how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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