i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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