M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
