kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
