She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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