The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
