he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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