In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
