the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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