dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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