In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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