OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
