"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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