He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Randomize
