his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
