it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
