know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
