I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
