you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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