found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
