Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
