Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
