you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
