It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
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I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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