"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
