I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
