My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
