I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
