If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
