everyone is single if you try hard enough
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
