last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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