my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
