I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
