someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
