broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
