it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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