Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
