What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
