Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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